I remember dreading going to work – not because there was a lot of actual work to do, or because it was a high-pressure job, or any of that, but because I felt unsafe.

I’m not talking about physical safety (although that is extremely important of course!), I’m referring to psychological safety. In my case there were several things that I felt very uncomfortable with. Here is a rough breakdown of the issues I encountered:

Coworker Interactions
For one, I worked in an institution in which there were actual repercussions for being ‘disrespectful,’ so knowing how to address and speak with coworkers at various levels was very important. The hierarchy and formality, though seemingly well-defined, was sometimes strict and other times we were all best buds, causing more social anxiety than I have ever had in my life. It was always difficult to know how to address someone or act around them, and I felt like I was always getting it wrong.

Inappropriate Relationships
One of my peers was having a fling with his trainee – not allowed. Not only was it not allowed, it was detrimental to the entire cohesion of our working group and caused a fair deal of disruption. One of my good friends was directly impacted by this relationship when it came time to do her performance review with this individual. This person lost much of our trust and respect but we still had to work with him anyway, which is dangerous in our field.

Disruptive Environment
The office was always loud and busy with little or no space to focus quietly on work or study. While we were expected to continue advancing our education and qualifications, there was no way to actually do that in such an environment. And because of the whole importance of a ‘collaborative workspace’ that seems to be the trend these days, we always had to be available. I ended up coming in many evenings or sometimes weekends just to get work or study done when there were fewer distractions.

Poorly Defined Expectations
Ironically enough, I think this one explains itself, and is something that many of us have likely experienced. Remember – if there is no goal to aim for, you’re never going to reach it.

Explicit Conversations
It’s perhaps understandable that conversations among adults will vary widely and often contain ‘adult’ topics. The problem is that while working there I found that these conversations sometimes ended up in wildly inappropriate territories – like XXX rated stuff. First off – no one needs to hear about that at work! Second off – no one wants to hear about that at work. Third – we all draw the line somewhere between what is appropriate and what’s too far, and none of us know each other well enough to determine where that line is for someone else or try to redraw it – that’s why the sexual harassment policy has determined it for us. That didn’t seem to matter though.

The Vacation Illusion
And quite possibly the worst of all – ‘vacation time’ was an illusion. That’ll be a whole ‘nother article I’m sure but the short of it – I ended up with additional anxiety from taking time off because I would ALWAYS get a call or email about needing to do something during my supposed ‘vacation.’ I remember sitting on the floor in the guest bedroom of my aunt’s house for several hours researching and digging through emails to try to find some ridiculously unnecessary bit of information that was not urgent but that I’d received a call about anyways, instead of visiting with the family I had traversed 7 states to see. When I finally left my job I had 53 unused vacation days because I learned that it was better NOT to take them, sadly.

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There were other things here and there but those are some of the recurring themes. I could never go to work and just do my work or help train others on how to do theirs. There was always something making me feel not only out of place but very unsafe.

If you are ever in this kind of scenario, my only advice would be to leave that place. Find a different job if you have to, or start your own business. Yes, this may seem drastic over something that people may ridicule you for, but it’s worth it.

IT’S WORTH IT.

Remaining in a situation where you are constantly uncomfortable, unsure of how you’re even allowed to interact with your coworkers, and never able to get away will quickly and surely kill you – perhaps not physically, but psychologically.

And for those who eventually hire people to work for / with them, please be aware of this sort of culture within your company. Not only will you lose talent, you’ll also be unknowingly causing this sort of distress, and I’m sure that’s not your intention.

The best we can do right now is make this sort of thing known.

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